Clichés, clichés everywhere. On my 2 week journey to Europe, I did feel a bit like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I’ve come to realize that seeking peace, enlightenment or just something that will quiet my mind, is not a place after all.
I’ve been seeking “peace” most of my adult life. The hustle and bustle of college, my stressful jobs in Silicon Valley, marriage and then motherhood, has left me wanting silence or the word I use is “peace.” Inner peace isn’t a concept I sought, but now that I know what it is, that’s exactly what I’ve been searching for. I thought I would find the ever elusive peace on this journey. Perhaps I could find peace in Rome standing in front of the Vatican, or in Athens Greece as I strolled along the sea or on the small island of Santorini while soaking in the hot tub overlooking the Aegean sea. Unfortunately, I found snippets of semi peace but nothing that was the feeling I desired to silence my ever hard working brain. Does such a thing exist in my life? I was getting the feeling like it wasn’t something I would ever find.
The more I consciously sought it the farther is seemed to get. My brain worked so hard seeking peace. I’m a glutton for punishment so of course I couldn’t find it. On my quest I went to some magnificent places. Each place I stopped I sat quietly to see if I could actually feel it. I couldn’t. My mind would be silent for about 9.2 nanoseconds and then thoughts snuck back in.
My thoughts are almost always negative or pragmatic in nature. “What’s for lunch?, “Why did that guy look me up and down?” “I hope Bryce is doing well with his dad,” and the list goes on and on. Lately my thoughts are much more introspective. Even so, they are still thoughts that crowd my mind.
Today is day 11 of 14 day trip to Europe. I’m on a plane leaving Greece and heading back to Rome to start the next leg of my travels. I truly miss my beautiful son, my boyfriend, and all of my friends. Seeing my son’s smiling face during a video call last night, hearing my boyfriend’s voice on a brief call, reading his messages of concern and seeing Facebook post from my friends, made me realize that “peace” is not a place. Peace is being surrounded by people who love and care about you unconditionally. I am blessed with so many people who support me, lift me up, and truly love me for me.
I found peace, right where it always has been. Home 👠.